A Song of Iso and Fire
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Game of Thrones + NBA = A good time
Game of Thrones is our greatest drama television has to offer. It’s vast roster of characters, storylines and subplots built over the last decade is a feat that few other shows have matched, and in the current TV landscape, it could very well be the last show that generates this amount of buzz within the general population.
To that point, the NBA is by far our most intriguing reality show. It’s a high school drama, cutthroat business and, of course, sports mixed all into one glorious league. A person who doesn’t really care about basketball can still enjoy what the league has to offer on Twitter and in the general social media culture.
So, naturally, as a way to kill some time before the NBA playoffs and the Game of Thrones final season premiere, I decided to figure out which (living) Game of Thrones character matched up with which NBA player.
I think my proverbial wheel is broken, but also, it’s been a long time since Thrones was on TV, so we’re grasping at straws over here.
****SPOILERS, obviously****
Arya Stark: Kevin Durant
Arya Stark might be the the highest-level assassin in Westeros, and few players strike as much fear into their opponents as Kevin Durant. Over his career, Durant has proven himself one of the most devastating scorers in NBA history, as capable of sinking into the flow of the Golden State Warriors’ offense as he is taking over a game one ridiculously difficult shot at a time.
Off the court, Durant has become pretty infamous for his abrasiveness with anything that even scoots toward drama, even though his reactions often create drama. He doesn’t want to deal with politics; he just wants to hoop. If Arya Stark had her way, she’d trek across continents, putting an end to her enemies one glorious killing at a time. They’re also both known to take on different names in honor of taking down those who wrong them.
Bran Stark: Ben Simmons
Few characters in the story have a more classical fantasy-adventure arc than Bran Stark. As a character who can apparently see all of space and time at any moment, his evolution has also brought him a little at odds with who he was before becoming the Three-Eyed Raven. He sees everything differently, and while it is obviously extremely helpful, it can leave him a little in the clouds when it comes to the wars to come.
In the same vein, Ben Simmons is a science experiment. With the size of a true power forward coupled with vision of the league’s best passers and topped with Shaquille O’Neal’s shooting touch, it’s hard to pin down what exactly Ben Simmons is supposed to do.
It’s hard to really see where Simmons fits in with the Sixers — or any version of any team — given his inability or lack of desire to add a reliable jump shot, but Philadelphia absolutely needs his skillset in the same way Bran Stark is essential in the upcoming season of Game of Thrones. Their vision is vital.
Bronn: Klay Thompson
Honestly, is there a better hang in the Seven Kingdoms than Bronn? He’s self-aware, he doesn’t want to get caught up in all the political drama, and he’ll be ready to throw down right when you need him to have your back.
Klay Thompson very well might be the strongest glue holding the Golden State Warriors together at this point. All the guy wants to do is read his newspaper before games, hit some threes and lockdown the other team’s best player.
It’s undisputed. These two are enjoying life — or at least trying to — despite the hectic circumstances around them, and we love them for it.
Brienne of Tarth: Damian Lillard
Few players in the NBA demand the respect Damian Lillard does, and it almost gives him permission to talk trash whenever he wants, but rarely does he get too crazy about it. He knows he’s great. His opponents know he’s great. And beyond that, he’s been a loyal, culture-setting leader for the Portland Trail Blazers.
There’s almost nothing bad to say about him, and his loyalty to Portland has allowed the organization to make subtle changes to compete. There’s probably nobody more loyal to their oaths than Brienne, and she is likely the greatest knight in Westeros. She fights for the good and to do otherwise seems so out-of-line with her mindset.
Cersei Lannister: LeBron James
The Queen. The King. Both sit on thrones ruling over people that.. might not love them? In Cersei’s case, blowing up the Sept in the season six finale surely didn’t win people over, while LeBron’s influence in the trade rumors that included pretty much all his teammates led to a crumbling of the Lakers’ season. That said, even though morale might be low, you just never know what kind of tricks these two have up their sleeves. Cersei is bringing in the Golden Company. LeBron could be bringing in a superstar to bolster the Lake Show.
And sure, maybe they both get a little passive-aggressive and only care about their family, literally and figuratively in LeBron’s case, but they have power. Undeniable power.
I’m also sure these two would have a wonderful discussion about the notes in the finest Dornish vintage.
Daenerys Targaryen: Kyrie Irving
Dany is one of my favorite characters, but between her time in Mareen and her short time back in Westeros, she might actually not be the greatest leader, which is fine! She has some of the sharpest tacticians and minds around her in Tyrion, Varys, even Jon Snow and Davos.
The thing is: she actually has to listen.
Sure, she has a great army and dragons and her family sat on the throne, but that wasn’t by her lead.
Meanwhile, the Boston Celtics might be the strangest team in the NBA, and a lot of that falls on Kyrie. The weird comments to the media, the very blatant calling outs of his teammates — all of it has contributed to a team that doesn’t seem to have much chemistry. The Celtics have the most talent out of the entire Eastern Conference, yet because Kyrie’s shortcomings as a leader, they’ve underperformed.
That said, when Dany and Kyrie go into flamethrower mode, there’s few other things I enjoy watching more.
Davos Seaworth: Shaun Livingston
At this point, Davos is better for his advice and temperament than anything he can do on the battlefield, but that advice is critical. He can ease the most tense situations and pull through with an inspirational speech or a joke to bring levity at the right time, and those people-management skills is where Shaun Livingston, even as his game declines, is most powerful for the Warriors.
Both guys came out from pretty unlikely scenarios, too. Livingston’s long road back from his horrific knee injury brought him to potentially the defining team of the decade, while Davos, a smuggler, found himself as the chief advisor for Stannis Baratheon and then Jon Snow. Not bad, fellas.
Euron Greyjoy: Jimmy Butler
I don’t think anybody is in doubt that Jimmy Butler is one of the best two-way players in the NBA. He’s a lockdown, multi-positional defender. He can get you a bucket in a multitude of ways. He’s tough. He’s competitive. He gives a damn. He gets the job done.
He just, maybe, kind of, possibly kind of sucks to have on your team?
The same goes for Euron Greyjoy. When he returned from his exile, he immediately killed his brother, Baelon Greyjoy and made his intentions known: he wanted to rule, and he had all the tools to do it. Brash, powerful and charismatic, Euron found himself courting the Queen of Westeros. Although he might ultimately lose the ultimate game (sorry, Sixers fans), he definitely is a powerful ally to have. He just might also be the reason your team loses when the chips are down.
Gendry: Donovan Mitchell
Gendry might be King Robert’s bastard, but the seed is strong, and that doesn’t just go for his looks, either. Sure, Gendry might have his father’s *ahem* impressive pre-ruling physical attributes, but he’s also shown his ability to wield a hammer in battle just fine. He only just entered the greater storylines in Thrones, so it’ll be interesting to see how much of an impact he has going forward, should he make it out alive. Just like Donovan Mitchell, early success doesn’t mean future benefits, but to this point, we have no reason to think Gendry isn’t a good guy with lots of ways he can help our heroes.
Grey Worm: Mike Conley
The leader of Dany’s Unsullied is quiet, reliable and steady. He always gets the job done, and often does it a high level. Honestly, if I was given a choice of who would be my Master of War on my hypothetical small council, Grey Worm would be my pick.
The only reason he ever fails is if he is set up to fail, and anyone who works with him has a genuinely high level of respect for him. The same all runs true with Mike Conley despite the fact that he has never been an all-star. Conley has maintained his level of play that ranks him among one of the better point guards in the NBA for the last several years.
The Hound: Joel Embiid
Even though he is large and pretty terrifying and loves being so, having Sandor Clegane on your side is worth all the constant trash talk that comes with him. Sure, The Hound would rightly roll his eyes at all of Joel Embiid’s jabbing on Instagram, but when push comes to shove, Embiid is a gamer who wants to win and make you look bad in the process.
For a good while, it seemed like Embiid’s career was in jeopardy because of injury, but like The Hound’s return late in season six, we were treated to a return of triumphant proportions.
Jorah Mormont: Vince Carter
Honestly, these dudes are both just old, don’t have as much pep to their step but instead bring sage-like wisdom to their younger counterparts.
Occasionally, they’ll show that they still got it, whether it’s Jorah fighting his way back to Dany or VC somehow still getting up for dunks I couldn’t pretend to throw down on a Nerf hoop. We don’t know how much time we have left with either person, but we should cherish their presence in the meantime.
Jon Snow: D’Angelo Russell
This was by far the hardest comparison to find. A reluctant leader who has defied his expectations and labels thrust upon him early to ascend to a leader of an upstart team or army, finding someone to parallel Jon Snow was not an easy task. That said, much like Snow at the end of season five, D’Angelo Russell has ice in his veins. After a less-than-ceremonial exit from Los Angeles, Russell found his groove in Brooklyn, making his first All-Star Game appearance this season.
Jon Snow found his brothers in the Night’s Watch (who also happen to wear all black, same as the Nets), and along the way, he gained more support and respect among the North even though he began as a spoiled and cocky recruit who grew up in a castle. He always had the skills to be a great commander, but thanks to the right pushes from the right people, he is now King in the North.
These two have achieved some greatness, though Jon’s is obviously of a higher level than Russell’s right now, but to overcome early knocks to their reputation and name and ascend to the heights and adoration they currently hold is impressive nonetheless.
Jamie Lannister: Derrick Rose
Early, Jamie Lannister had it all. The skill, the looks, the reputation. Then, it all fell apart. His body could no longer do what it used to do so poetically. He was damaged goods, but slowly, he rebuilt himself enough to take control of the Lannister army the way Derrick Rose found small roles on teams. Even though Rose’s time in Chicago didn’t end on the best of terms with the Bulls, he went north and has found some success as a retooled version of himself.
(also, the Starks’ sigil is the direwolf and Rose plays for the Timberwolves… I’m just saying)
This isn’t to say both guys aren’t still debatably bad people. Jamie still is in love with his sister and threw a child out of a window, and Rose’s past has some darkness in it as well. That’s not to be dismissed.
Lyanna Mormont: Chris Paul
The Lady of Bear Island became a quick fan-favorite for her stern callouts of the other lord and ladies of the North when they refused the call ahead of the Battle of the Bastards. Since then, she has grown into a respected voice among the North despite her youth and small stature. She will absolutely, undoubtedly call you out on your shit, just like Chris Paul has done for years. Nobody questions CP3 on the court, mainly because he wouldn’t let anyone. When he’s in the game, it’s his game, his tempo and his choices dictating what is going on, and if you’re not fitting into what he needs, he’ll let you know. Constantly.
The Mountain: Draymond Green
Look, there’s no denying The Mountain is great at what he does, and he’s a pivotal reason the Lannister family has ascended to the heights it reached, but he’s probably the worst hang in all of Westeros, especially since turning into a half-life killing machine. Again, none of this takes away from the fact that he’s one of the most feared killers in Westeros. He just kind of is terrible.
While Draymond Green isn’t anywhere as horrible of a person as The Mountain, he hasn’t made a ton of friends. He’s probably every other NBA teams’ fan’ favorite player to pick on because he’s the one that can’t destroy you from long-range, but he is still a monster on defense and allows the Warriors to play with the fluidity and pace that they want to implement.
Night King: Zion Williamson
We don’t really know exactly how powerful the Night King is at this point. We know he can do some terrifyingly amazing stuff, but that was against Wildlings and the Night’s Watch — not the strongest competition. That said, we have no reason to think anything will really change even though the armies preparing to face the Army of the Dead are stronger and as ready as they could be.
Basically, I still expect Zion Williamson to dunk on a lot of folks in the NBA, even if he might not be as dominant as you’d assume at first.
And once anyone sees Zion and *extremely Jon Snow voice* LOOK INTO HIS EYES, there’s not much else you can talk or even think about.
Podrick Payne: Luka Doncic
There has never lived a more loyal squire. Podrick Payne might be the purest soul on the entire show, and anything he does remotely well is worth a standing ovation.
Pod, like Luka Doncic, is exceptionally gifted in ways that may not seem evident on first look, but the details, copious details, you find a star.
Sansa Stark: Victor Oladipo
When Sansa Stark talked about wanting to have Joffery Baratheon’s baby, I’m nearly certain most Game of Thrones viewers had the exact same reaction as Arya:
Since then, however, Sansa has endured some of the most trauma and abuse of any character despite her highborn status. Victor Oladipo rolled into the NBA as the №2 overall pick, fresh off an All-American season that saw him and his Indiana Hoosiers team take the storied program further than it had been in what felt like decades.
However, hard times quickly fell upon Oladipo, who immediately got swallowed up by the mess that was the early 2010s Orlando Magic. Much like Sansa in King’s Landing, Oladipo was never really able to find his niche and thrive despite his best efforts and good intentions. Once he was moved to Oklahoma City, maybe things would be different. Sansa found new hope and opportunity when she fled the capital with Littlefinger, but soon, an even worse sitaution with someone who would essentially rule her even more powerless than before would enter the fray.
This isn’t to say Russell Westbrook is Ramsay Bolton because nobody on planet earth is as insane Ramsay, but both people did hold our friends back from their true potential and really damaged the idea of them in the process.
Since then, though, both Sansa and Oladipo have found their home and embraced their role. For Oladipo, a return to the Hoosier state and a renewed sense of urgency catapulted him into all-star status, and Sansa found herself as Wardeness of the North once her half-brother departed south. Who knows what comes next for either person, but the perseverance they’ve shown to find success this late in their run is a testament to their mental fortitude.
Samwell Tarly: Nikola Jokic
Upon first glance, there’s not a whole lot going on with Samwell Tarly that shows he has a lot to offer. Sure, he killed a White Walker, but he knows he’s best when he’s gaining and sharing knowledge, and that knowledge makes him irreplaceable.
Same with Nikola Jokic, who could be the most creative passer in the NBA today, and both men are reluctant in their ascension to powerful roles. In a perfect world, they would defer, and while Sam gets to do that to help his friend Jon Snow in the great war, the Denver Nuggets need Jokic to assert himself when a team’s best player is supposed to take over a game. The more assertive both these guys are, the better off everyone is in the long run.
Theon Greyjoy: Markelle Fultz
Oh, poor, sweet Theon. He might’ve been too cocky for his own good (no pun intended), but that doesn’t mean he deserved what he got. Before he even got a real chance to prove himself to his father, he was doubted, which got him even further into his head. The more he tried to lean into his Ironborn roots, it seemed like the worse things got.
Does anybody really know what happened to Markelle Fultz? I’m on record as being a big, big Fultz fan. Watching him put up 18 points in a little more than five minutes against Arizona State on his way to a 28 points, eight rebounds and nine assists was all I needed to defend the Philadelphia 76ers’ choice to trade up and grab him with the №1 pick. He looked pretty good in Summer League, and then… ???
At this point, most people fall between apathetic and sympathetic toward both people. Sure, Theon might suck, but the dude has some real trauma to deal with. Fultz might be the strangest storyline of any top draft pick, and I hope his move to Orlando somehow revives him. They don’t have many fans in their corner left, but I’m hopeful that everything will be OK, even if it isn’t necessarily fun to watch.
Tormund Giantsbane: Patrick Beverley
Because his status as a Wildling, Tormund is disliked by pretty much everyone he meets, but once they go to battle with him by their side, anyone would know that he’s a good person to have in your camp. He is no-nonsense and doesn’t really care about having any sort of glory.
Patrick Beverley just wants to get into the face of his opponent and be a constant issue, which naturally annoys the hell out of said opponent. Teammates love him, even if he’s a little nuts.
Tyrion Lannister: Blake Griffin
At this point in his career, nothing Blake Griffin does will get the image of his LA Clippers years out of anyone’s head, but not in a good way. I’m talking about the hitchy, releasing-on-the-way-down jump shot. The many, many injuries. Even though he was relatively healthy and his jumper was pretty damn nice this season for the Detroit Pistons, those things still stick the way Tyrion’s small stature makes people automatically dismiss him.
And yet, they’re both brilliant at what they do. Although they aren’t in the shiny places they were earlier in their lives, they’re still doing pretty well for themselves — Tyrion as Hand of the Queen and Griffin making maximum money.
Varys: Adrian Wojnarowski
I know he’s not a player, but it had to be Woj.
If you need to get a message across, Varys’ little birds tweet away. Yes, tweet. Yes, this is the easiest comparison of all these.
Yara Greyjoy: Kemba Walker
Yara Greyjoy is beloved, respected, and really good at being a captain of an armada.
But nobody outside of the Iron Islands… really cares? And when she had a chance to finally link up with Daenerys Targaryen and join a revolution, she still got destroyed by a better captain, her crazy uncle. Yara is a good addition to your team, but you probably can’t rely on her as your main option in a big war.
